Let me start off by letting you know how much you hurt me, on so many levels. You really twisted a knife in my back, because I truly and honestly believed us to be friends. I literally called my father in tears last night asking for his advice and guidance on what to do because it seems lately that between you and my husband I have been opening myself up and giving myself back to people only to allow them to hurt me even more than they did to begin with.
So this is how I feel.
I suppose I should have listened to everyone who told me I was foolish (that's a much kinder word than the ones they used) for not only accepting your apology, but your friendship. But I didn't, and I don't regret it. Because I know without a doubt that at least for that one moment God spoke to both of us and we did the right thing. That hasn't changed for me. I still care for you and your family, I still care about your struggles and your pain and I share much of it.
I believed you when you said we'd put everything aside and no longer act like we have ownership over certain things. I wasn't bothered by the products you posted that were similar to mine, not in the least. And as proof Justin didn't know about them. I admit that before we came to good terms, when you'd post something similar to mine and it bothered me, I always complained to him. He always just got mad at me but he was the only person I could talk to about it. And I can honestly say that since we set our problems aside I have not said one negative word about you to him. Not when you made your cell phone charms, not when you made your micro star vial or your star magnets, not when you made your Pacman and ghost earrings after I made a Pacman and ghost cell phone charm. Because I thought we were friends and I knew you weren't going to do anything to hurt me and my business. And after all they were your interpretation of the characters. We all do things differently.
The fact is we're both in the geekery business, and like you said before, there are only so many video game characters out there that we can make. It would be ridiculous for us to choose which ones each of us could make, to divide them up like selfish children. There's nothing wrong with us making similar products, even as friends, that's just business.
And you were wrong about the star earrings. Yes the girl suggested that I make them a permanent item in my shop, but have I? No. And will I? No. I never intended to because I knew that you already made a similar set and that would be overstepping a line. I will never post them as a permanent item in my shop, whether you decide that you like me again or not. I never would have even made them had she not told me she'd checked other shops and liked mine best. I'm not sorry that different people have different tastes and styles, I have no control over that.
I've even asked you if you were ok with me making certain items that were similar to yours. Why would I do that and then turn around and try to stab you in the back? Why would I purchase something from you so that you could have money for your daughter when you complained that you didn't and then turn around and "steal sales" from you? That doesn't make any sense no matter what you say, and I am not that kind of person. I've been completely open, honest, and genuine with you. I sincerely cared, I opened up to you, I told you things I was struggling with and offered to help you with yours. I've prayed for you and even asked family and friends to pray for you and your family as well. Why would I do that for someone I'm trying to ruin?
I think you're so used to being attacked, so used to being kicked when you're down that you're overly paranoid about it and now just assume that everyone is out to get you. But I wasn't. And I'm not. I have apologized to you for the awful things that I've said and done, and I was sincere. I have truly forgiven you for the hurtful things you've said and done as well. I know that I have done some awful and stupid things in the past, but that was before I truly had God in my life. That was before I truly began on a better path. But I'm on this path now, and I have no intentions of straying, it feels good to do the right thing.
And as much as you've accused me of it in the past, I have never been a conceited person. Ask any person that knows me, ask people that don't even like me and they will tell you that I've always lacked self esteem and have never been one to brag or rub things in people's faces. I have every right to be excited when my hard work is recognized, and I've given all credit to God where it belongs just like my Dad reminds me to. I give my 10% tithe from my business every month, just like my Dad reminds me to. Not to seem bigger than anyone, not because I think I'm better, but because it's the right thing to do. No one but my Dad and my husband even knew about my tithing until just now. If I was as conceited as you imply, I would have posted that all over my Facebook in a heartbeat. But I'm not, I never will be.
I've been praying that God would allow yours eyes to be open to the truth, that he would let you see who I really am, but I suppose they haven't been and that you don't. And so I suppose this is it. I wrestled with the idea of washing my hands of all this, because I felt like I would be wrong to delete you from everything and stop trying. I thought what God wanted was for me to fix things no matter what. But my Dad brought it to my attention that God never tells us that we have to be friends with everyone, He never says we have to let people walk all over us and beg for their forgiveness. All He asks is that we forgive them and make it known that we have no qualms with them. And I've done that. I've forgiven you, and I've apologized to you numerous times. I've done what God has asked of me, and so I guess this is the end of our road. I won't be a foolish, naive little girl anymore. I won't continue to be stepped on and unevenly yoke myself, I will let go of the people and things in my life that refuse to allow me to help them and love them. I will not let you play games with me and hurt me. And I won't let my husband do that anymore either. Like you said, I'm standing up for myself for the first time in my life. But I'm doing this God's way. In no way am I saying that I no longer care, that I dislike you, or that I hate you. You are my sister in Christ and I do still care about you very much. I will still keep you in my thoughts and prayers, but I won't let this hurtful game go on any longer. That's not God's will for anyone.
God Bless,
Ash
So this is how I feel.
I suppose I should have listened to everyone who told me I was foolish (that's a much kinder word than the ones they used) for not only accepting your apology, but your friendship. But I didn't, and I don't regret it. Because I know without a doubt that at least for that one moment God spoke to both of us and we did the right thing. That hasn't changed for me. I still care for you and your family, I still care about your struggles and your pain and I share much of it.
I believed you when you said we'd put everything aside and no longer act like we have ownership over certain things. I wasn't bothered by the products you posted that were similar to mine, not in the least. And as proof Justin didn't know about them. I admit that before we came to good terms, when you'd post something similar to mine and it bothered me, I always complained to him. He always just got mad at me but he was the only person I could talk to about it. And I can honestly say that since we set our problems aside I have not said one negative word about you to him. Not when you made your cell phone charms, not when you made your micro star vial or your star magnets, not when you made your Pacman and ghost earrings after I made a Pacman and ghost cell phone charm. Because I thought we were friends and I knew you weren't going to do anything to hurt me and my business. And after all they were your interpretation of the characters. We all do things differently.
The fact is we're both in the geekery business, and like you said before, there are only so many video game characters out there that we can make. It would be ridiculous for us to choose which ones each of us could make, to divide them up like selfish children. There's nothing wrong with us making similar products, even as friends, that's just business.
And you were wrong about the star earrings. Yes the girl suggested that I make them a permanent item in my shop, but have I? No. And will I? No. I never intended to because I knew that you already made a similar set and that would be overstepping a line. I will never post them as a permanent item in my shop, whether you decide that you like me again or not. I never would have even made them had she not told me she'd checked other shops and liked mine best. I'm not sorry that different people have different tastes and styles, I have no control over that.
I've even asked you if you were ok with me making certain items that were similar to yours. Why would I do that and then turn around and try to stab you in the back? Why would I purchase something from you so that you could have money for your daughter when you complained that you didn't and then turn around and "steal sales" from you? That doesn't make any sense no matter what you say, and I am not that kind of person. I've been completely open, honest, and genuine with you. I sincerely cared, I opened up to you, I told you things I was struggling with and offered to help you with yours. I've prayed for you and even asked family and friends to pray for you and your family as well. Why would I do that for someone I'm trying to ruin?
I think you're so used to being attacked, so used to being kicked when you're down that you're overly paranoid about it and now just assume that everyone is out to get you. But I wasn't. And I'm not. I have apologized to you for the awful things that I've said and done, and I was sincere. I have truly forgiven you for the hurtful things you've said and done as well. I know that I have done some awful and stupid things in the past, but that was before I truly had God in my life. That was before I truly began on a better path. But I'm on this path now, and I have no intentions of straying, it feels good to do the right thing.
And as much as you've accused me of it in the past, I have never been a conceited person. Ask any person that knows me, ask people that don't even like me and they will tell you that I've always lacked self esteem and have never been one to brag or rub things in people's faces. I have every right to be excited when my hard work is recognized, and I've given all credit to God where it belongs just like my Dad reminds me to. I give my 10% tithe from my business every month, just like my Dad reminds me to. Not to seem bigger than anyone, not because I think I'm better, but because it's the right thing to do. No one but my Dad and my husband even knew about my tithing until just now. If I was as conceited as you imply, I would have posted that all over my Facebook in a heartbeat. But I'm not, I never will be.
I've been praying that God would allow yours eyes to be open to the truth, that he would let you see who I really am, but I suppose they haven't been and that you don't. And so I suppose this is it. I wrestled with the idea of washing my hands of all this, because I felt like I would be wrong to delete you from everything and stop trying. I thought what God wanted was for me to fix things no matter what. But my Dad brought it to my attention that God never tells us that we have to be friends with everyone, He never says we have to let people walk all over us and beg for their forgiveness. All He asks is that we forgive them and make it known that we have no qualms with them. And I've done that. I've forgiven you, and I've apologized to you numerous times. I've done what God has asked of me, and so I guess this is the end of our road. I won't be a foolish, naive little girl anymore. I won't continue to be stepped on and unevenly yoke myself, I will let go of the people and things in my life that refuse to allow me to help them and love them. I will not let you play games with me and hurt me. And I won't let my husband do that anymore either. Like you said, I'm standing up for myself for the first time in my life. But I'm doing this God's way. In no way am I saying that I no longer care, that I dislike you, or that I hate you. You are my sister in Christ and I do still care about you very much. I will still keep you in my thoughts and prayers, but I won't let this hurtful game go on any longer. That's not God's will for anyone.
God Bless,
Ash
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